Forgiveness reloaded

This morning, I told my friend some of the things that happened to me during my childhood.  I am trying to work through issues of divorce, poverty and step parenting.  HA! That doesn’t even cover my first marriage to a drug addict!  She responded to my tales of woe that she felt sick to her stomach.  She is an amazing person not only because she has a great deal of empathy but also because she suffered from horrendous childhood trials herself – much, much worse than I can imagine.  The conversation narrowed to the subject of forgiveness.  Forgiveness is in the spotlight and I am a deer in its headlights.  Sunday School Class.  Forgiveness.  Bible study.  Forgiveness.  Movies (Amish Grace).  Forgiveness.  Oh dear Lord, are you trying to tell me something that I already know but I am not doing.  Some of my wounds are deep and 50 years old.  The wounds changed me.  Changed my perception.  Affected my choices.  Wounds made me who I am but not who I want to be.  But, wounds cannot change that I am a child of God and I belong to Him.  Right now, this moment, I choose to enter into the process of forgiving those who afflicted me and pierced my heart.  My mom always reminds me to ride the wave of pain.  The wave will bring me to the shore.  There will I rest.  l long for forgiveness to those I have caused pain.   Being denied forgiveness by loved ones – especially after asking for it – is often more than I can bear.  This summer was an emotional rollercoaster.  And again I remind myself, I must look to the One who can bear these burdens.  Whether the pain is 50 years old or fresh from this summer, I choose to say that I need Thee.  Every hour I need Thee.  O Bless me now my Saviour.  I come to Thee.  Only in your arms will I survive this life.  Thank you my friend for helping me to lighten my heavy heart.  Isn’t the grace to forgive a paradox? Grace is free but is not cheap.  Here I go.


About linnysue

Just an ordinary girl living with chronic illness and surviving physically, emotionally and spiritually by the grace of God
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