Seeds

  It’s been quite a day.  This afternoon I learned that an untruth had been told to my eldest child.  She’d been told by a family member that I wanted nothing to do with her after her birth.  I cannot fathom the effect of telling a human being such a thing.  How did this small seed thwart her growth?  Looking at life through the glasses of abandonment and unworthiness, how did that lie affect her choices and goals.   Today, I had the opportunity to tell her that I pined to have her.  I wanted her more than life.  She was a colicky, hard baby but I loved her from the idea of her.  A lie, a small seed, grows, grows, and grows some more.  It chokes out the full abandonment of giving yourself to others.  It blocks out the sun.  It blocks us from the Lord.  There are no big lies or small lies.  There are just lies.  Seeds from which grow complications, pain, sorrow and loss.  I love getting a pack of wild flower seeds in the spring.  I open up the package and throw the seeds onto my little garden.  Some flowers come.  Some don’t.   I think that for today, I will throw out seeds of encouragement.  I love being encouraged.  Instead of carefully digging the hole and placing the seed in it and covering it up and watering it, I choose to broadcast my seeds of encouragement.  I choose, for the rest of today, to smile at strangers, to be kind to drivers when I pick up my youngest kid from school and yes, ugh, be extraordinarily gentle with my husband.  So.  Instead of planting seeds of hatred, lies and pain, I will throw my seeds of kindness, joy and faith with abandon.  Who knows what will happen?  It might just change the world.  Or at least my little piece of it.  Oh, and no matter whether the lie is 20 years old or two minutes old, it will be found out.  Matthew says so – that all hidden things will be revealed.  Yay – time to start casting my seeds!